“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions”
This blog is not going to be about any other person and is not written in the context of the someone else, it’s my story that I hold.
There are four types of people, in my opinion, one who believes that everything that happens around them is for good for them, the second type thinks that whatever, happens he will never get what he wants, they are kinda depressed type stressed out from their life, no way to go on, just surviving, the third type is the one who enjoys life and lives in reality, laughs with friends, live a simple and happy life and lastly the fourth type, they are the people who are attention seeker and obessed type, they can do anything to gain atttention and they are pretty smart.
Well, as I said that this is going to be my story so why I am telling you types of person. Actually, I want to present which type of person I am. And none of the above types are the indication of the bad person, a person is bad by his actions and thoughts not by the personality he lives with.
Well, I am the mix of first and second type. I think sometimes that whatever happens with me is for good but for how long one can hold on. The hope of people living in the desert scatters when it doesn’t rain for 2 years straight and so mine. I have always lived in an imaginary world more likely fantasy. Whatever be the situation but in my mind something different run. Sometimes, I am the king of a country, sometimes a hero saving the world and then the story is woven by me. It made me away from the people and I get closer to myself. Often talking to myself in loud voice and soon I realized that talking to oneself is good. So, I didn’t pay any attention to my habit and soon it became my lifestyle.
My life was going great, I had few fears like going into a dark room but soon the fear flew away as I found there are patches of life which are much darker. I used to fear injections but now they feel like tickling because I found life much more painful.No, I haven’t faced any major tragedy its just an observation and some little incidents.
When I was in the 8th standard everything shifted to my favor, it was something that I thought. But as I reached in 10th standard, I found difficulty in reading in public, I certainly got stage fear which I didn’t have since childhood. I was the victim of the spotlight effect, it is the condition when one is highly concerned about the surrounding and the opinions of others towards him. And soon I started hating people because the world that I built in my head was completely different from the reality. I wanted to escape to the world that I created but couldn’t because it was imaginary. Moreover, I found it difficult to pay attention to someone who was talking to me. It affected my grades but I dealt with that situation in a different way.
I certainly found out that most of the people in the world have different types of mental illness and they didn’t know about it and this was the time that I realized that I was one of those and probably you may also be. At the beginning I was depressed actually I became more depressed because already there were few incidents in my life that didn’t comfort me. I tried to pretend that I am normal but I couldn’t and I also don’t want others to look at my shadow that doesn’t exist if they have to be a friend of mine then they should look at the right person and I stopped pretending like don’t have one and life seemed simple and much easier.
Then started the healing phase. I looked at my life and integrated it with hopes but not expectations because those are often the reason for sorrow. I started ignoring my fears by not facing them and this made them stronger. But I believed that one day everything will be fine and for that, I have to start fighting today. I started risking my life and killed all my fears and the major role was of 20 seconds strength rule because when you say to yourself that you just have 20 seconds to do it and that is the time when the inner subconscious is controlled by you and you end up doing that stuff. I became free of my fears because of my lifestyle of talking to myself. It really helps me. I know in my most of the blogs I have talked about benefits of it and let’s add one more point, it helps to solve inner conflicts that arise because of mental illness. But keep controlling the intensity because I made it my lifestyle and now it completely dominates me. Finally, some part was controlled but some of the uncontrolled parts made peace with me and I learned to live with it.
“When, “I” is replaced by, “WE”, even illness becomes wellness”
That was my story, hope you will never be ashamed of confessing your mental health problems to your parents or friends because as our body gets ill, muscles get pain and we go to doctor for the treatment then why to shy of mental illness….
“The only thing more exhausting than having a mental illness is pretending like you don’t”
please write us down for any help that you want or any suggestion that we need….